Kaycee's (POV)
"Well with your track record how can you even be sure" The way Max spits the words at me is like a kick straight to the gut. So much so I stagger back slightly.
Part of me understands his accusation, I fully understand why he's so angry too but it doesn't stop his words from hurting so much.
I've been dreading this moment this whole time, I knew that eventually I was going to have this conversation with him but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
Days turned to weeks and then turned to months, and the bigger I got the harder it got to pick up the phone. I have no other explanation than I was scared.
What was I even meant to say. 'Hey I know our marriage is over but surprise I'm pregnant?' Maybe I would have been best to have said that but I just never could.
"How could you say that?" I gasp at him as I try to hold back the tears that his spiteful words have brought on.
"How could I say that?" He snaps "You f*cking disappear for months, Luna's suddenly in the paddock with Charles and then when I find you there's this" he then sneers at me gesturing down to my bump which i instinctively attempt to shield with my hands.
"I'm sorry" I quietly mutter knowing it's nowhere near enough and what he says next confirms it.
"Sorry?" He scoffs shaking his head "this is not something you simply say sorry for Kace" he looks at me with an anger I haven't quite seen before, or maybe it's betrayal I don't know but whatever expression it is I hate it. "I'm your f*cking husband! You don't just hide the fact you're pregnant from me" he then shouts and for a moment I don't know what to even say.
"We're getting a divorce Max" I say in an attempt to reason with him but I know it's useless when his eyes bulge.
"Which was your choice!" He snaps and even though he's right I'm not going to let him act as if his own actions and behaviour haven't lead to this as well.
See AlsoExtracurricular Activities: A comprehensive guide with 400+ examples, ideas, and opportunitiesGashes - Chapter 2 - 3at_my_4ssWas it Surgery or Spray-on?How To Know If A Spa Offer Happy Endings? Don't Get Rubbed The Wrong Way!There's a reason why I left, yes I've f*cked this part up and haven't give the right way about it but he's just as at fault as I am.
"My choice?" It's my turn to scoff now. "You think it was an easy decision to come to? Because it wasn't, none of this has been easy"
"Boo f*cking hoo" he sneers and there it is that nasty side of him that reminds me of exactly why I left in the first place.
He looks up at the sky and I think that maybe he's collecting himself but then his eyes snap to mine and he looks twice as angry as before which I didn't even know was possible.
"Did you know before?" He breathes.
"Before what?" I ask because it doesn't quite register what he means.
"Before you filed for divorce?" He says his voice cracking and I realise it's not actually anger edged over his features it's more like betrayal and heartbreak.
"No" I reply quickly but it's clear he doesn't believe me.
"Don't f*cking lie to me Kace, just f*cking tell me the truth" he snaps but it's less forceful this time, especially when he then adds "please" his eyes pleading with me as they hold mine.
"I didn't know" I breathe hoping he can tell the sincerity in my tone.
"Why didn't you just tell me? A call, a text, anything" he asks more heartbreak in his tone every time he speaks.
"Because I didn't know what I wanted to do" I scream the words at him, the truth really out there now "I didn't know if I even wanted to keep him"
At that his whole face drops, as what I said clearly starts to sink in he takes what seems to be a staggering step back and seats himself in the closest chair.
The way his body slumps down, so defeated. It causes something inside me to twist and I'm moving towards him taking the seat next to him. Without even thinking I reach across and go to take his hand but he rips it away from me which I guess shouldn't be as surprising as it is.
I've hated myself near enough every day for nearly going ahead with it, for even thinking that not having this baby was going to be for the best. It'll be no surprise if he hates me for it as well.
"Everything had fallen apart Max I just didn't want to bring a baby into all of this" I say in an attempt to explain where my head was at the time.
I don't expect him to understand but at least if I can make him see that even though none of the decisions I've made have specifically been the best ones they weren't easy ones to make either.
"What changed your mind? Why did you decide to keep him" he asks finally meeting my eyes and for a moment the words get caught in my thought.
I take a deep breath to prepare myself and give myself some strength to say what I have to say next.
"I had the appointment booked, I went to the clinic but I just couldn't go inside, I couldn't go ahead with it" I begin to explain and I see his fists clench where they rest on his thighs.
"Why?" He asks.
"Because..." I begin to say but fall short on finding the right words to say. "Because this is everything we wanted, he's a part of you Max, a part of each of us and despite everything I realised I'd never forgive myself for not bringing him into this world" I then say my had coming to my stomach to stroke absentmindedly and as I do it's like he reacts to my words because he starts kicking away and I suck in a breath from it.
Max looks at where my hand rubs and I see his own go to move but it's like he holds himself back as his face becomes even more pained.
As the baby continues to kick I reach over a take his hand and this time he doesn't pull away, instead he lets be bring it to my bump and rest it there for him to feel his son for the first time.
We never got to experience this with the baby we lost, he'd been ripped away from us before we even got chance.
"I'm so sorry Max" I whisper as his hand still rests there.
He doesn't say anything or even look at me.
"Daddy look!" Luna's voice squeals as she comes running out with a piece of paper in her hand and interrupts us.
His hand snaps away from me and he doesn't even hesitate to lift her into his lap.
"Sorry she escaped" practically pants as he comes running out behind her. "She's been edging to get out here" he then says to Max.
"It's fine" Max grits out his focus on the picture Luna is showing him of sticker figures pointing out who each of them are.
Me, her, Max and the baby.
"Don't keep them away from me Kace, please" he breathes as she points to him.
Them.
Not just the baby but Luna too and when he finally looks up at me his eyes are red and look as though they're filled with tears.
Seeing the heartbreak on his face completely destroys me a sob tears it's way out of me and I have to clamp my hand over my mouth as the croaking sound slips out and tears start to stream down my face.
